下一步要怎么走？

There was a video interview of an old lady who lost her husband through death and nearly her life through a stroke. Her life collapsed and skies turned grey.  She immersed her whole being in denial, suppression, grief and gloom. Loved ones around her try to walk with her out of that dark tunnel, and one day, she asked herself this crucial question:

” How to move on from here?… “

This caught on me. At age 30, i reach this point where i consider asking myself this same question. This offers an alternative to the previous question i hung on for some time: “How do I leave this world? “

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I applied to the long retreat again for 2010. What made my life meaningful, something essential to my existence & life, is this process of  inner search, inner centering, inner emanicipation. This space of turning in to look at myself nakedly. This keeps my sanity and calmness. This inner silencing.

I do not know how to live, if I do not even hold on to an anticipation of a self-retreat. Life becomes a drag, a lifeless socially orchestrated routine.

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