today

i am not sure if i like TaiChi. But i went for my first class anyway. Instantaneously my mind compared with yoga classes. I am clear that once i learn at least 1 style of Taichi, i’ll be satisfied. I only need one set and i will practise with it anywhere i go. Just like being familiar with sun salutation in yoga is really quite enough. I think asanas being more or less static poses work a different way with the body than a series of body movement, like Taichi. Taichi can be very meditative. 

 

She appeared to be quite fidgetty and floaty these 2 times i saw her. Not sure if this is a part of who she is where i miss out in the past, or there is something unsettling within her.  But she will know how to take care of herself.

 

I was not so enthusiastic to go there ever since i returned, perhaps, i am even avoiding. The surprise & comfort is, this doesn’t really matter to me now. Sometimes though, the old feelings surfaced and i re-experienced them in the instant. And i am glad it provides a powerful lesson for me. I do not wish history to repeat itself. I am still carrying certain judgements about her, and it’s sad, but it’s ok, my heart won’t run away with that.

 

i emailed my beloved teacher. perhaps i should stop carrying the flashcards as the benchmark to measure her reliability, sincerity, love, compassion, objectivity, professionalism, skills, etc. She is a human being. I need to thank my dear mommy-friend who offered her feedback about my projections on teacher. From my heart, i really love Hwee Meng just the way she is. I am sure my ex-classmates feel the same towards her. But my ego expects her to feed my insecurities, distrust, perfectionist and cynic. We are all on our own evolutionary process; the most treasured thing about teacher-student relationship is not how good a teacher is, but how she is willing to offer her howevermuch support, trust, love and knowledge despite being imperfect.

 

 

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