unpleasant classroom experience -part 2

sick of that teacher. something in me feels repulsive. i entered the apartment, and the mask self was quick to do the courtesy greeting. and my being/soul was restless in my skin. and the moment i sat down and tried to listen, i thought of food to keep myself occupied/distracted. strong impulses. and i sat through, shifting positions time to time to make my being more comfortable. to cheat it alittle. but the energy that i was reacting to was coming from the person teaching. the hours crawled. at break time, i took relief from consuming my sandwiches, and drawing freshness from the air and sky outside. but the whole place was filled with a sense of suffocation and overbearing presence. struggled into the late hours, and i saw myself quicken the pace of going home. i slipped away, not feeling i am meant to come back.

i can’t help thinking of HM. my mind was comparing the two teachers. in her class, we laughed, we cried, we cracked jokes, we talked nonsense in order to make sense, we talked nonsense for the sake of making nonsense, we were noisy, we stayed silence, we chanted and prayed and sang, we were in awe, we saw anxiety creeping up from within, we poked fun at teacher, we protested and objected, we whined and groaned, we voted in democracy, we studied and thought seriously, we felt deeply, we reached out and touched, we held hands and hugged, we teared and witnessing others teared, we trembled in fear, we dreamt and fantasised, we danced and stomped the grounds, we exclaimed in light of beauty, we shrinked and withdrew in the absence of light and vulnerabilities, we braced up and cheered, we offered a part of our being to share with the group….. and in return, we become more of who we really are.  

i missed HM and the class.