blah blah

Feeling frustrated, irritated, heavy the moment i woke up. From a deep dull sleep, and feeling very tired still. Affects my mood. Almost like bursting with repressed anxiety. Frustrated. Annal!

What i need now – is stay alone in my room – chill out.

Am suffering from repression. Repressing my emotions, desires - a chronic mal-coping pattern - not honoring them - not expressing it to the person involved, instead choosing to ignore, neglect, hide, and then suffer silently.

Also stress from the amount of work i am loaded with after that colleague left.  

As long as i pass through today, i will be fine when i get home.

I neglected right-brain activity for long time.. thought of getting colored chalks to fingerpaint. will get from popular after work.

They were planning to go dharmasala in sept. Impossible for me – how to take leave after long leave in aug? where got money?? i don’t really want to listen to the teachings, only want to see HHDL.. is it rational?  Told them about this sept teachings way before, but they have no action. now going only cos of a phone call from someone else.  sigh. disgusted with how people are motivated into action by influence of a single person.  no character! don’t know what they want. disgusted disgusted !