Dear Divine,
July 10, 2008
My feelings were pulled along with the events happening, my mood in the control of the waves of how I interpreted her response. I am no longer at ease in myself, worrying how our relationship will become, what impression I made on her, how she interpret me. I become conscious of things beyond my control. I lost the centre of my peace. Lovers do not know this suffering; they thought it is the perquisite and natural condition of love. Yet for a practitioner of the path, losing peace of mind is not true love.
How can I save myself? How can I get out of this trap?
So it happens, it has nothing to do with what happens on the outside, whatsoever her responses and behavior; it has to do with what I do with my inner being – How do I come to peace with what I am feeling inside.
What should I act on to honor my feelings?
What should I withhold and let pass to honor the law of the truth, of impermanence, of interdependence?
How can I see more clearly with wisdom the reality of each episode/stimulus?
